Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Imagine that your lungs are down in your abs. Think about filling your abs with air instead of your chest. This will help you draw longer breaths.
Obviously, you’re a human being hoping to have a conversation here, so you can’t really empty your mind of everything. The goal is to quiet any thoughts that don’t have anything to do with the immediate conversation. Just think about what you’re going to say in response to what he says, not how you feel inside. For example: If he asks for your opinion on something (like your taste in music), speak from the gut and tell the truth, regardless of what his opinion may be. Keep the conversation going instead of stalling it by trying to second-guess yourself about what he will think of your answer. If he says something you disagree with, say so. Don’t start yourself worrying about how he might react. It’s better to deal with his reaction, whatever it may be, than worry over a hundred different scenarios that probably won’t happen anyway.
The key is to play something calming. Your breathing, heart rate, and other body rhythms will naturally fall in sync with the music’s rhythm. This is also a great ice breaker to get the conversation rolling and find out his interests. Depending on where you are, subtle ways to go about this could be fiddling with a car radio, switching between music channels on TV, starting your iPod or other device before you engage him, or asking him if he wants to check out that jukebox in the corner.
If you think this will look weird, just hold your hands behind your back, or use whatever you’re holding (like a textbook) to hide it from view.
A simple solution is to just get the conversation mobile by suggesting a walk-and-talk! If you’re already playing music, let yourself move to the rhythm. Slowly stepping off and on a curb or stair step also be a way to burn off nervous energy without looking too odd.
Don’t feel super-confident just yet? That is all the more reason to go straight up to him! Dawdling will just give you more time to overthink things and stress yourself out. [8] X Research source Also, you don’t want to give someone else a chance to get in there first and hog his attention.
“Is that the new iPhone? Could I take a peek at it? I need to replace my phone and I’m not sure what I want to get. ” “You have Ms. Novak for first period, right? What was her test like? I have to take it eighth period. ” “I like your Smiths t-shirt. Real quick: what’s your favorite album and why?”
Smile, too! Put him at ease with a grin as you approach. Remember: you want him to like talking with you, so show him that this conversation is going to be a good thing by opening with a big friendly smile.
Think of yourself as an interviewer. Ask lots of questions. For example, if he happens to have a book with him: Ask him what he thinks of it so far. Then ask what other authors he enjoys. Quiz him with: “Which five books would you bring if you were stranded on a desert island?” Then ask if he could only recommend one to read, which one would it be.
For instance, if one of the books he picks to bring with him to a desert island is the same as one of your picks, say so! Then use that topic to direct more questions at him: “Which character do you most identify with? What was your favorite part? What did you think of the movie?” When he shares his answer with you, return the favor by answering your own question. By asking lots of questions and sharing your own answers, you can control the course of the conversation and share exactly what you want to share.
If he brings up a topic that stresses you out, redirect the focus to something more positive. Let’s say he brings up a flood that recently hit the city where your favorite aunt lives. Instead of focusing on the flood, use that as a segue to talk to about a happy memory of your aunt or that city. From there, shift the focus back onto him by asking about his favorite family member or city.
Refraining from slouching or sticking your hands in your pockets. [16] X Research source Keeping your chin up with your neck extended. Throwing your shoulders back. Allowing your arms to swing freely.
Keep your mind clear of any preconceived notions about what he might mean with this comment or that look. Focus on what goes right: a joke that he finds funny; his willingness to share his opinions and personal experiences; his interest in your own opinions and stories. Let the not-so-right parts slide. Recover quickly by refusing to dwell on them! For instance, if your joke falls flat, simply make a joke out of that by making cricket noises and then laughing it off.
He’s shy in general or (gasp!) nervous because he’s attracted to you, too! He may be distracted by something else in his life, like schoolwork, his job, or a family situation. He may just have little to say about the particular topic you bring up.
If he, say, fails to get one of your jokes or disagrees with one of your opinions, don’t take that to mean that you aren’t funny or a good match. Instead, just accept that he didn’t find that one particular joke funny or agree with that one particular opinion. Don’t assume the whole conversation was a total disaster just because it wasn’t 100% perfect. Remember that he may have had a perfectly good time even if you think it could have gone better.
