If you are typically anxious and fearful, consider how your habits might contribute to your fears. Many people report that taking a break from social media results in more happiness. Start small. It will be easier to make small changes than large ones.
You can replace a bad habit with a good one. If you notice yourself starting to engage in the negative behavior, no matter what it is, consider what you can do instead. Consider the kind of person you want to become, then think of all the habits that this new person might want to include in their life. What would be an easy habit to change? This might be a good one to start with. The basic rule to remember is that you should start either with an easy habit to change or with a habit that’s causing a great deal of negativity. You can decide which one to start with.
If you’re starting a new habit, try doing it at the same time every day. If it becomes part of your standard routine, you’re more likely to remember to do it. For example, you might try to go on a 10-minute walk every day after dinner, or visit with your elderly neighbor every Sunday afternoon. Remind yourself that you don’t have to do this new habit forever, but only one day at a time. And then, the next day, focus on doing the new habit for that day, and so on.
If you make a mistake and relapse into old behavior, don’t stress about it. Just start again the next day. You don’t have to identify with your old ways of being, or with the mistakes you make as you try to learn new patterns of behavior. Instead, keep your attention focused on the person you’re becoming.
Becoming a kinder person is a large goal comprised of many small steps. All you have to do is pick one. If you’re trying to learn a new skill, start by focusing on it for 10-30 minutes per day. Do this every day.
Many people find that daily check-ins are most useful for accountability. Checking in every day is a way to maintain the daily routine. It’s possible that the other person might want to use this commitment as a way to become accountable for something herself. Having a partner who is also committing to making a change in her life can be a great motivator. If you know other people who are also wanting to make fundamental changes in their lives, you might all form an accountability group. Being part of a group offers support and encouragement as you make the changes you want to make. Other people might notice changes in your life before you do. Sometimes radical changes are easier to perceive from the outside than the inside.
An example of a positive consequence might be to calculate how much you would have spent on cigarettes over a period of time, and purchase something nice for yourself with that money. A reward can be as simple as saying “Victory!” each time you successfully complete the new habit. [10] X Research source A negative consequence might be to do a house chore you really dislike every time you allow yourself to engage in a behavior you’re trying to change. For example, if you’re trying to quit gossiping and you find yourself sharing the latest juicy tidbit with your coworkers, spend at least an hour scrubbing bathroom grout and toilet as a consequence.
Remember the old adage, “A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step. " Even though it may not seem so, every step along the way helps cover the distance. Don’t quit! The only real way that you won’t be able to change who you are is if you decide not to change. Keeping that in mind, and following the guidelines above, remember that changes will happen if you just keep trying.
Most of us grew up believing that our characters or personalities were going to always be a certain way. Research now suggests that this isn’t true. If you don’t believe you can change, think about why this might be the case. Consider what ways the aspects of your personality you don’t care for might be serving you. If there are fears that are keeping you from believing that you can change, address the fears.
Openness to Experience: This includes your willingness to experiment, depth of emotions, intellectual curiosity, and tolerance for diversity. Conscientiousness: Also known as your work ethic, the facets of this personality factor includes self-discipline, orderliness, your sense of competence, and your sense of responsibility. Extraversion: If you are shy, you will want to consider improving on these traits, like assertiveness, warmth, gregariousness, and your activity level. Agreeableness: Traits like sincerity, modesty, trust in others, sympathy, and altruism all fall under this factor. Natural Reactions: Consider how emotionally reactive you are. Do you have intense reactions to minor events? You may want to work on a trait in this personality factor, like anxiety, hostility, sensitivity to stress, self-consciousness, and self-indulgence. If you’re not sure what you want to change, but only feel that you want to be different somehow, spend more time thinking about what’s creating your discomfort. If you’re still not sure how to think about this, ask for help. People who might be helpful include: your parents, a good friend, a counselor, a therapist, a religious authority, or another trusted person. The important thing is to remember that you don’t have to do this alone.
Having fear about making a change in your personality is natural! It’s important to acknowledge the fear, so that you can set it aside. Make a plan to handle the ambivalence you might feel around making this change in your personality. Using positive affirmations, relaxation techniques, and accountability partners are all ways that people might handle any fears or reservations about making changes in who they are.
Being willing to learn new traits means letting go of other ideas you may have once had about yourself. If you’re learning to be happy alone, for instance, notice every time you start to feel like a social misfit for being by yourself. Learn to laugh at yourself for these slip-ups. Notice other people who share personality traits that you’d like to cultivate for yourself, and imitate these people in your daily life.
For example, if you’re trying to become a warmer person, notice other people who appear warm and happy when helping others. What are these people like, and what do they do? You can learn a lot by imitating them. It may help you persevere in changing your life if you remember that you, too, are a role model for others. Are you living the life you want others to see and imitate? Will the changes that you’re making create the kind of life you’re proud of?
Be alert for opportunities to act in the new way, rather than in your old way. For example, if you’re practicing being spontaneous rather than cautious, invite a new friend to go roller-skating. Do things that you don’t expect to do. If at first it feels artificial to act in this new way, don’t be surprised. As the old adage goes, “Fake it, until you make it!”
For example, if you believe that you’re the kind of person who’s easily overwhelmed, exchange that belief for the idea that you have great stamina. Write your own affirmation on an index card, and post it where you will see it multiple times per day. Whenever you see it, read it to yourself aloud. Gradually, this will start to become part of your conscious belief about yourself.
Most of us need a new look every five years or so. The clothes that you wore in high school might be outdated in college. If you’re a young professional, it’s time to trade in your college duds for more professional outfits. Look around at pictures of people who are living the life you’d like to be living to get some ideas of changes you can make in your own look. Even though hair, makeup and clothing might seem to be a superficial approach to changing who you are, these things reflect your idea of yourself. The way you appear to be affects the way you are treated by the world, and the way you think of yourself.
Get rid of any clothes you no longer want to wear. Going through your closet and donating the old clothes to charity will make space for your new self. Don’t forget about accessories. Adding new belts, scarves, and jewelry to old outfits can update them and make them new for you.
The right hairstyle can make you appear thinner, younger, and healthier. Try getting a hairstyle you’ve never considered before, and find out how it affects who you are.
Have at least 10 pieces of clothing that fit your new style, and make sure they all go together. These 10 pieces of clothes will be different for every person. An investment banker’s core essentials will look different from a Soho artist’s essentials. Pick the clothing that’s right for your new look.
Make sure you go to clean, professional tattoo and piercing locations. Realize that any tattoo is permanent. Before committing, make sure it’s something you want to keep forever.
