Consider joining a support group for people who are similarly motivated to change their lives for the better. In making these changes, chances are you’ll notice some patterns of positivity in your life. No one’s life is all bad, and by letting go of the parts of your life that no longer serve you, you’ll become more aware of the habits you want to strengthen.
Some disagreement is natural in healthy relationships. Most relationships have some combination of healthy and unhealthy characteristics. Talk to a counselor together with your partner if you find yourself unable to change the unhealthy patterns on your own. If you are in a relationship that is violent, or emotionally or physically abusive, seek help with a local domestic violence agency. You can find these agencies in the United States by calling 211.
Make sure to look for the positive in yourself as well. Remember that everything is an opportunity to learn new skills, especially the things that feel most difficult at first. If nothing else, you can be grateful for the chance to learn new things in a bad situation. Never stay in a situation simply because it’s bad. You may be tempted to pretend that unhealthy behavior — a racist boss, an abusive partner, an emotionally manipulative friend — is providing a good opportunity for you to learn patience and tolerance. While this may be true, staying may not be the healthiest choice. One of the most positive things to learn from a bad situation is that you can leave.
For best results, find ways to do kind things for others in a way that is completely anonymous. For example, fill up all the coin slots in a laundromat with quarters when no one is looking. Don’t just think of how you would want to be treated; imagine the way another person might want to be treated. For someone who’s very shy, perhaps writing him a note to congratulate him on his presentation might be kinder than giving him a loud compliment and hug in front of others.
Some research suggests that writing gratitude lists by hand is a valuable part of this process. The physical act of writing by hand slows down your attention in a meaningful way. If you really can’t think of anything to be grateful about, pretend to feel grateful. Remember, you’re still learning to change your attitude. Consider gratitude as, “Hey, it could be worse. "
If you want to write the note, but not send it, that’s fine. The purpose of writing thank you notes is mostly to practice articulating appreciation. It might not be possible to find people from your past, or the person might be deceased. Research shows that people who spend at least 15 minutes per week writing gratitude letters, over 8 weeks, show a demonstrable increase in positivity.
If you practice a religion, you might turn to prayers found in this religion. If you don’t consider yourself a religious person, practices of meditation might be more valuable. Even though it may not feel like it, practicing meditation and prayer is a kind of exercise. The more you practice, the better you will become. You may not notice the difference at first, but over time you will be able to maintain a calm, peaceful attitude no matter what’s going on around you.
For another kind of gratitude jar, try adding some change or a dollar to the jar every day when you write in your gratitude journal. When the jar is full, use the money to find creative ways to “pay it forward:” buying gift cards for unsuspecting people who might need the help, or buying flowers for someone who rarely receives recognition. If you’re a crafty person, decorate your gratitude jar with ribbon, paint, or stickers.
Notice when you’re tempted to complain, and try to find something positive to turn your attention to. Complaining focuses your attention on what you’d rather have different without actually requiring you to do anything different. It keeps you in a position of powerlessness.
Knowing more about why you’ve made the choices you’ve made may help you to avoid making bad choices in the future. Remember that while most negative circumstances are the result of a conscious choice made on your part, sometimes bad things happen despite careful planning. No one is immune from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you can’t find another way to think about a bad situation, ask someone for help. Talk to a counselor, a therapist, a trusted friend or another person. You don’t have to face this alone.
If it’s easier for you to take an additional hour at the end of the day, you can try this. Most, but not all, people find it more productive to take time in the early morning hours. Don’t allow yourself to waste the morning time in negative mind traps, like reading depressing news or scrolling through social media.
This doesn’t mean to abandon a friend who may be having a hard time, but if your friend’s life is always full of drama and hardship, you may need to take a break. If being around negative people is unavoidable (for instance, if it’s your boss or supervisor) you may be able to put their negativity to use. Try to understand where it’s coming from, and counter it with positivity.
Think about what adjustments you can make to your daily routine to include more things that bring you happiness. Pause several times per day to take your happiness level. If you’re feeling happy, think about the circumstances that have contributed to this feeling.
When you’re in a new, stressful situation, pause and take a deep breath before doing or saying anything. If you can, take the time to think something out before giving an answer. Say, “I need to think about it. "
You might use a particular word or phrase to return your attention to the present, such as “now” or “present” or “return. " Don’t berate yourself for losing focus. Remember, kindness is essential to developing a positive attitude.
Try not to keep multiple tabs up on your internet browser, and turn off your phone when you’re watching television. If you are washing dishes, turn off the news. Doing one thing at a time, and doing it well, will increase your positive attitude. [15] X Research source If you have to multitask, set aside specific times for it. When the time is up, return to your single-task outlook. When you’re having a conversation with a friend, turn off your phone. Slow down your attention to be more fully present in every activity.
