Some people want a donor that looks similar to you or your partner, so take this into consideration as well. If you’re using a sperm bank, you won’t be able to see what the donor looks like now, but you can read verbal descriptions and often see their baby photos or see their celebrity lookalikes.
Many of these traits haven’t been proven to be passed down genetically, but many people feel more comfortable choosing a donor with a personality they like.
If you use a sperm bank, the donor’s medical history will almost always be checked out beforehand.
Keep your expectations realistic. It’s unlikely that you’ll find a donor that fulfills all your ideal traits, but you can definitely find one that hits the most important ones.
For example, maybe you went in prioritizing education and realize that you’re more drawn to a sense of humor or generous personality. Whatever it is, feel free to refocus your search on new criteria when you need to.
Choosing through a sperm bank also ensures that the bank can take care of the legal and scientific steps of setting up the donation, freezing the sperm, and more.
Look up reviews online for objective opinions on a sperm bank. All reliable sperm banks should test donors for sexually transmitted diseases and genetic illnesses; give donors annual physicals; and provide personal and family medical history for each donor. Call the sperm bank directly if you have any questions.
Look online or call the bank to see how to set up an online account. It typically won’t be connected to the account you’ll need to purchase vials from the sperm bank; think of this as your browsing account.
Focus on meeting the “must-haves” from your list of characteristics. You probably won’t find a donor that perfectly matches all of your criteria, but you can definitely find one that meets your top points.
Say something like, “I’m hitting a wall in my donor search. I have a few guys who are great, but no one stands out like I thought they would. You know me better than anyone; can you come over and take a look?” You can ask them to narrow your list of donors to their top 5 or 10, review your search criteria, or anything else you feel comfortable getting help with.
There’s no way to know how much the sperm donor will affect the identity of your child, but you do know that by raising and loving your child, you can help them become a great person, no matter what their genetic makeup. Once you’ve chosen, go onto your sperm bank’s website or call them to purchase the sperm.
This process can be costly, approaching up to $5,000, since you’ll need to pay to have the donor’s sperm frozen and tested for infectious diseases.
You and the donor should sign a legal agreement specifying the terms of the donation, even if it aligns with state law. You should also have the insemination done at a medical facility to ensure that you have other witnesses, such as a doctor, in case of any issues of parental rights.
If you want, ask for an outside opinion from a close friend or family member to help you make your choice. Think about things like whether the potential donor is loving, smart, physically healthy, and a good person.
For example, you start off with something like, “You know I’ve been wanting to have a kid for a while now, right? Well, I’ve decided to do it by artificial insemination, and I wanted to know if you’d be the sperm donor. ” Follow up by saying, “You’re kind, smart, and handsome, which are all things I’d want in my child. But I know this is a hard ask, because I really wouldn’t want you to act like a father or anything more than a family friend. ”
Bring it up by saying something like, “But before we go any further, I wanted to talk about what your rights would be. ” Be compassionate and gentle when they talk about his preferences. Listen to and consider what he has to say rather than rejecting it right away. Discuss your viewpoints and see if you can resolve your disagreement. If not, they may not be the right donor for you.
These questions might seem awkward, but they’re crucial to ensure the health of your child. Say something like, “I need to know a lot about your medical and health background before I can make this choice for sure. Can you get me copies of your and your family’s full medical histories?” Thank them for their understanding and openness.
The law can be tricky in this area, so don’t be afraid to ask the lawyer any questions you might have about sperm donors and parental rights. Explain to the donor that you’re doing this as a legal and official way to document your agreement. Be upfront about all your expectations so that they don’t get any surprises when you put together the contract.
The donor will typically need to fill out several health forms, go in for a physical consultation and testing for diseases, and have a semen and eligibility analysis done. When the donor passes these examinations, they’ll donate their samples and their sperm will typically be “quarantined” for 6 months to officially clear them for use.
