Your posture should be relaxed, but your back should be straight. This shows people you are comfortable and confident. Pause when you speak to draw in the listener and show confidence. Keep your legs slightly apart, so you take up more space. This also demonstrates confidence. Lean in slightly when a person is speaking to show interest (leaning away will show a sense of hostility). [2] X Research source Don’t cross your arms. Instead, let them dangle at your sides or press them together in your lap. This shows you are open to other people. Make sure your handshake is firm, but not too crushing. Look the other person in the eyes, although you shouldn’t stare too much. Blink, and look away sometimes, so they don’t feel you are trying to be intimidating. Play with your tone of voice. The tone of voice is a way that people communicate confidence. The key to success is projecting confidence.
When people are angry, their face flushes, they bare their teeth, they clench their fists, and they invade body space, sometimes by leaning forward. [3] X Research source When people are nervous or anxious, their face pales, their mouth seems dry (so they may drink water or lick their lips), they show varying speech tone, and they have tension in their muscles (so they may clench their arms or hands, and their elbows may be drawn into their sides. ) Other signs of nervousness include trembling lip, fidgeting, and gasping or holding breath.
Podiums, computers, chairs, and even a folder are all props that create distance between a speaker and audience, preventing a sense of connection. Crossing your arms or speaking to someone while sitting behind a computer monitor are blocking behaviors.
Liars are less likely to maintain eye contact, and their pupils may appear constricted. Turning the body away from you is a sign of lying. Complexion changes, such as redness in the neck or face, and perspiration, are all signs of lying, as are vocal changes like clearing of the throat. Be aware that some signs of lying – sweating, poor or no eye contact- are also indications of nervousness or fear. [4] X Research source
Intimate distance. Defined as touching another person to 45 centimeters. If you enter a person’s intimate distance, this can be very unsettling for them unless it’s welcomed or you’re already intimate. Personal distance. 45 centimeters to 1. 2 m. You are close enough to shake hands and to see each other’s expressions and gestures. Social distance. This is the normal distance in situations that are impersonal or business transactions, defined as 1. 2 m to 3. 6 m. Speech should be louder, and eye contact remains important. Public distance. 3. 7m to 4. 5m. Examples of those who often operate in public distance are teachers or those who talk to people in groups. Non-verbal communication is critical but often exaggerated. Hand gestures and head movements can be more important than facial expressions as the latter are often not perceived.
Determine whether your body language is in sync with your message. Your body language is effective if it communicates the message you want it to communicate. Does your posture communicate confidence, or does it make you seem unsure of yourself even though your words express confidence? If your non-verbal signals match your words, you’ll not only communicate more clearly, you’ll also be perceived as being more charismatic.
More complex gestures involving two hands above the waist are associated with complex thinking. Politicians like Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Colin Powell, and Tony Blair are considered charismatic, effective speakers, and that’s partly because they frequently use hand gestures.
Keeping your hands in your pockets when speaking or having a conversation will make you seem insecure and closed off. In contrast, if you take your hands out of your pockets and keep your palms upward, you will demonstrate that you are likable and believable.
Clenched fists or other tension in the body can be signs of aggression, as if the person is prepared for a fight. Facing the other person, squared off and towards them, and sitting near them can also be signs of aggression. Sudden movements might be made. In contrast, accepting gestures are those when the arms are rounded and palms sideways, as if the person is offering up a mock hug. Gestures are slow and gentle. Nodding when a person speaks shows you agree with them, and makes you seem like a great listener. [5] X Research source
People will associate bad posture with weak confidence or boredom or lack of engagement. They might even think you’re lazy and unmotivated if you don’t sit up straight. To have good posture, your head should be up and your back should be straight. Lean forward if you’re seated. Sit down the front of your chair, and lean forward slightly to show you’re interested and engaged.
You can mirror a person’s tone, body language or position of the body. You shouldn’t do this blatantly or repeatedly though, only subtly. Mirroring is one of the most effective ways to use body language to build a rapport with someone. [6] X Research source
If the listener doesn’t pick up on one gesture, he or she will likely be familiar with the other. You don’t have to use a body language gesture (or two) for every word, but it’s a good idea to have a toolbox of gestures you can use to reinforce very important, yet easily misinterpreted concepts. Direct the most positive gestures toward the listener. This lets you more clearly indicate that you are offering a favorable outcome to the listener. Direct the most negative gestures away from yourself and the listener. This way you clearly indicate that you wish that no obstacle stands in the way of your intended message.
Touching one’s face signals anxiety. Improve your posture. If you’re constantly hunched over or touching your face, you’ll never look confident, approachable or at ease. Improving your posture and working to eliminate nervous tics can be difficult and will take time, but you’ll quickly improve your overall non-verbal communication. These small gestures add up and are all guaranteed to dampen the effectiveness of your message. Don’t worry about if you accidentally perform a few of these in any given setting.
Your visual dominance ratio helps determine where you stand on social dominance hierarchy compared to the other person in the conversation. People who spend most of the time looking away have a relatively low amount of social dominance. People who are less likely to look away are probably the boss. [7] X Research source People who look downward display helplessness because they seem like they are trying to avoid criticism or any conflict.
Avoiding eye contact at all, or looking downward with the eyes a lot, are both indications of defensiveness. Eye contact will be more continuous if a person is trying to listen to you, rather than speak. Looking away from the other person can also be an indication the person doing the speaking isn’t ready to stop and listen yet. Looking at a person can be an indication of attraction. People who are interested in someone show strong eye contact and lean forward toward the other person in the conversation. Depending on the context, making eye contact with another person can be used to show respect. For example, when you’re giving a presentation to a room full of people, divide the room into thirds. Address comments to one side, and then the other side, and then the middle. Pick out a person in each section to address comments to. The people who are sitting around them will think you are having direct contact with them, and this will make them rate you higher as a speaker.
Regulators are facial expressions that provide feedback during conversations, such as nodding the head, and expressions of interest or boredom. Regulators allow the other person to assess level of interest or agreement. Essentially, they provide feedback. [8] X Research source You can show empathy towards another person by using affirmative movements, such as nodding your head and smiling. These gestures, used when another person is speaking, give them positive reinforcement and show you like what they are saying.
Limited facial expressions and small, close to the body hand/arm gestures are indications of defensiveness. Turning the body away from the other person or crossing your arms in front of your body are other indications of defensiveness. [9] X Research source
Heads tilted downward and eyes gazing elsewhere indicate disengagement. Slumping in a chair is a sign of disengagement. Similarly, fiddling, doodling, or writing, are signs that a person is disengaged.
