You can call out your sibling for the silent treatment by saying “Hey, when you give me the silent treatment it destroys my positive feelings for you and makes me want to stay away. I want us to have a supportive relationship, and do not feel supported when you do that. ” You can also try addressing the cause of the silence directly: “I can tell from your silence that you are mad at me. I want to talk about this and work through it. Please let me know when you are ready to do that. ” You can appear relaxed and positive when faced with the silent treatment. In a gentle, friendly manner, smile or sigh when the person is punishing you with silence. Do this with the hope that, by not getting the negative response they were hoping for, (e. g. you getting angry, begging, or conceding to their demands), the person will eventually get tired of the act and stop.
You can call out your sibling for the silent treatment by saying “Hey, when you give me the silent treatment it destroys my positive feelings for you and makes me want to stay away. I want us to have a supportive relationship, and do not feel supported when you do that. ” You can also try addressing the cause of the silence directly: “I can tell from your silence that you are mad at me. I want to talk about this and work through it. Please let me know when you are ready to do that. ” You can appear relaxed and positive when faced with the silent treatment. In a gentle, friendly manner, smile or sigh when the person is punishing you with silence. Do this with the hope that, by not getting the negative response they were hoping for, (e. g. you getting angry, begging, or conceding to their demands), the person will eventually get tired of the act and stop.
Say, “Joey, I really need to talk to you about something. Do you have a minute?” Go to a place where you can speak undisturbed for a few minutes.
A “you” statement may sound like “You keep ignoring me and it’s making me mad. ” This won’t lead to a productive discussion. Instead, start off with something like “I have been feeling ignored by you lately and it hurts. We used to have such a good relationship and now we hardly ever speak. What’s going on?”
Learning to solve problems together is a great way to initiate a stronger connection between you and your sibling. Assuming you both want the relationship to improve, try to come up with possible ways you can decrease your feeling ignored and increase your feeling connected. It may help for each of you to try and put yourself in the other’s shoes. [3] X Research source Possible solutions may include giving your older sibling space when they get home from school to relax before initiating conversation. Another solution may include setting aside a few minutes each day to talk about how your individual days went.
If your brother or sister is using relational aggression to make you feel bad or left out, you need to tell someone. Go to your mom, dad, or a school counselor and explain what’s going on between you. You might say “My sister acts like I’m invisible. She never asks me to do things with her, and when I try to talk to her, she just ignores me. She even tells her friends not to speak to me when they come over. It’s been going on for a long time and it makes me feel really bad. ”
If you are trying desperately to connect with a sibling who has become estranged from you or the whole family, it may help to discuss your situation with a therapist.
When your parents assign a task for you to do individually, offer to help your sibling so that you have a chance to talk. Say, “Hey, we can get the garage cleaned much faster if I help Toby… Is that cool with you, Toby?”
Suggest to your brother or sister that you would love to start playing basketball, going swimming, or learning the guitar. If they are highly experienced, you may even ask if they could teach you. This gives you the chance to work with them, and them the chance to proudly display their skills. “I really admire your commitment to learning guitar. Can you spend a few hours each week teaching me?” Or, you can say “Hey, Rachael, I heard they are offering a new dance class at the Y. I thought it would be fun if you and I went. Are you interested?”
When you know your brother has a big chemistry test coming up, offer encouragement by saying “Hey, I know you’re going to rock this test tomorrow. " Or, even better offer to call out some terms for him to define and help him study.
Make the suggestion that you would like to start having Sunday dinners together. Say, “Hey, everyone. . . I was thinking that it would be nice if we started eating dinner together on Sundays. I miss you guys and I want us to spend more time together. " Then, use this opportunity to connect with the sibling who is ignoring you. You might suggest “Hey, Tom, why don’t you join me in setting the table,” in order to strike up a conversation with your sibling.
For example, if you tease your older sister about being a vegetarian, she’ll view you as immature or uninformed and persist to ignore you. If you show respect for her choice by asking more information or trying to understand her perspective, she may be less inclined to ignore you.
For example, if your brother is obsessed with Doctor Who, you might ask, “So, what’s you all-time favorite episode, and why?” Using an open-ended question format ensures that your sibling won’t just give a one-word reply. Plus, allowing your sibling to share more about something they’re passionate about makes them feel good about themselves and about you.
Try asking your sibling: “Is everything ok? You seem really quiet today. ”
Active listening involves using body language and verbal cues to improve the communication process. Body language includes having an open and relaxed posture (e. g. arms and legs uncrossed), making occasional eye contact, turning towards your sibling, and giving visual cues such as nodding or smiling when appropriate. The verbal components of active listening include: Paraphrasing, or restating the message in a different way (e. g. Original message: “He told me I was a loser in front of everyone, so I ran to the nearest restroom. I cried for hours…” Paraphrase: “It sounds like you were very upset. ”). Clarifying, or bringing greater understanding to vague aspects of the message (e. g. “Let me see if I heard you correctly. You’re saying…”) Showing empathy, or addressing the speaker’s emotional experience (e. g. “I get the sense that you felt humiliated when he said that in public. ”)
Focus on the action or concept rather than disagreeing with the person as a whole. (Instead of saying “You’re a jerk,” try “I was really hurt by what you said. “) Use “I” statements to express how you feel. Be an active listener when it’s time for the other person to talk. Avoid putting down the other person’s opinions or beliefs (e. g. “That’s silly!”) Take a deep breath. If you find yourself getting angry, take a few moments to return to a calm state.
As the relationship gradually deepens, be sure to celebrate the minor successes that you notice. For example, if your sister starts to stop by your room and chat for a few minutes after swim practice, pat yourself on the back. You two may not be staying up gossiping about your crushes just yet, but at least you’re making progress.
