You can cry, shout, holler, go silent, etc. , as you see fit. Your feelings are real and you need to express them in your own way. If anyone tells you to “man up” or to “grow up”, realize such advice is wrong, even if meant well. It is perfectly okay for you to cry, scream into a pillow, or punch your bed if it is your way of letting out your emotions and frustrations. [1] X Research source
You might start the conversation off by saying, “My parents are getting a divorce and I don’t know what to think. ” Don’t worry if you don’t know what else to say. Just focus on opening up and expressing your feelings as they come.
Say something along the lines of, “Hey, Craig, I know your parents broke up last year. Mine are going through a divorce now. How did you deal with all this?”
Dedicate at least 30 minutes each day to a constructive activity.
Remember, they will always be your parents, no matter if they are married or not. Don’t try to figure out what happened, and know that you can’t undo it. Instead, focusing on coping with the divorce.
For example, you might say, “Where will I live?” or “Who will I live with?” to bring up the topic.
Express your worries by saying, “I’m unhappy about having to change schools. I will miss my team, my teachers, and my friends. Can I come back on weekends to see my friends?” Don’t bottle up your emotions. Doing this can lead to emotional outbursts, and even make you sick. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your parents, you can still share your feelings by writing them a letter.
If your parents try to pit you against one another, tell them “I won’t be taking sides. ” Keep saying this until they get the message. Remember, your role is to cope with the divorce, not to resolve disputes between your parents. Your parents will get the support they need to resolve disputes from other adults.
Looking for the positives in the situation can help you maintain perspective and not get lost in your grief.
Try to be understanding of these changes. Things may be very tense now, but they probably won’t always be this way. Resist the urge to automatically dislike your parents’ new partners. You don’t have to view this person as a parent, and they won’t replace your other parent. But, you can be open-minded and try to get to know them. [11] X Research source
For instance, if you’re away on vacation with one parent, be sure to call and check in with the other. This helps each of your parents feel loved and maintains your connection with them both. It’s also a great idea to keep both parents in the loop about what’s happening in your life. One parent may be in the dark about academic or extracurricular achievements. Be sure to call them up and tell them when something happens, good or bad. [12] X Research source
Divorces can be hectic, but try to keep the same schedule. If you need to change your schedule, work with your parents to make your new schedule as similar to your old one as possible. You should also keep participating in any birthday parties or sleepovers you are invited to. [13] X Research source
You might talk to the counselor at your school or ask a peer who has dealt with divorce for a recommendation. [16] X Research source
