Make sure the two of you are comfortable, like on a cozy couch or a bed. Dim the lights to set the right atmosphere. Light candles and play romantic music.
Open by telling your partner: “This is the kind of kissing I like” and demonstrate. An example of a specific thing you can try and correct would go like this. Say: “This is how I like using my tongue. ” and demonstrate. For example, if you prefer to be caressed a certain way while kissed, demonstrate this on your partner.
Too much teeth. Teeth banging together can definitely be a turn-off. Too much saliva. The last thing you want to say about a kiss is it’s slobbery. Bad breath. Too much or too little tongue.
After redirecting their hands you can let them know you enjoy being caressed there.
If they don’t follow your lead, try pulling away a bit. Usually that’s enough of a sign to slow things down.
If the problem is their tongue going too wild, you have a couple of options. The first is to pull away noticeably. They’ll either understand and slow down, or follow and keep their intensity. If they do the latter, you can stop, and gently tell them to slow down.
”Do you like the way I use my tongue?” You might find out that your expectations don’t exactly match up. ”Is there something you wish I was doing?” While you might be doing everything right, there might be a little extra your partner would like. ”Is there anything I do while we kiss that you don’t like?” This question is a bit more open ended, but opens the floor for honesty.
Be very specific, for instance mention exactly how passionate you expect kissing to be; otherwise it can feel rather forceful. It’s important to approach this kind of sensitive topic with tact. Don’t be overly critical, and try to reinforce your partner’s positive behaviors.
If you try to communicate your needs early and the person still doesn’t adapt, they probably won’t be responsive to your needs in other areas either and won’t make a good long-term partner for you anyway. It’s hard to break up with someone, but remember that you’ll be better off and, hopefully, that person will also finally take the hint and become a better partner for someone in the future.
