A friend offering constructive criticism might pull you to the side and say something like “Have you noticed that the shoes you are wearing have a hole in them? You might want to put on something else before we go out. ” Someone who is being overly critical may address the same situation by calling you out in front of everyone and saying something like “Seriously? You are wearing shoes with holes in them. Don’t you have a better pair?”
Do not overreact to a friend making a lighthearted joke or stating something that is true. For example, say you aren’t on time for a get together and one of your friends says something like, “I’m not surprised. They probably lost the car keys. ” This isn’t something to be offended by (especially if you commonly lose your car keys). Personal and demeaning comments rarely, if ever, fall into the lighthearted joke category. Take the same example of being late for an outing and imagine one of your friends says something behind your back like, “I can’t stand them. All they do is complain about how bad their life is and bring everyone around them down. I hope they don’t show up at all tonight. ” In this case, this person is likely not a friend anymore.
For example, if someone says something rude to you and your friend diffuses the situation by saying something like, “That’s not necessary. Let’s all be mature,” then they are taking up for you. If your friend joins in and says something unkind to you, they might not be as good of a friend as you thought.
For example, you could say something like “I’ve noticed that we don’t get along as well as we used to. It seems like you aren’t very fond of me anymore. Is there a reason?” This conversation might be best had alone.
You could take active steps like having breakfast together once a week to reunite. Before deciding that the friendship isn’t worth fixing, you might want to consider things like mutual friends involved. You might spend a lot of time around this person whether you want to be friends or not. In this case, it might be best to at least be on speaking terms.
Create some kind of ‘moving on’ ritual. Do something that symbolizes the end of the friendship for you. Common versions of this would be to burn or bury something that the friend gave your or that you two shared. Write out your feelings. This could be in the form of a letter to your friend (don’t send it), a poem, or even just a list of the things you are thinking and feeling.
Practicing mindfulness can help you let go of the past and focus on the present. An example of something you might enjoy doing alone could be exercising, art, or reading. You can go out to movies, coffee shops, or the park with your friends to enjoy yourself.
Think about how to respond if they are rude to you. Consider what you should do if they want to be friends again. Practice saying what you think you will need to say. For example, say something in front of the mirror like “I’m well. I hope you are well, too. ” If you don’t want the conversation to go any further, you can excuse yourself.
If your mutual friends bring up your new nemesis, simply change the conversation and say something like “That situation is between the two of us. I think it’s best that I don’t involve our friends. ” Anything you say could upset your friends or find its way back to your former friend.
For example, if your enemy does something like leave a nasty note in your locker, just throw it away. There is no need to write a note back or confront them about it. Actually, you don’t even have to read it at all.
For example, if you go to a mutual friend’s birthday party, you might have to say something like, “Hi. How have you been?” After a short exchange you can move on. If you are rude to the other person or complain about them being invited, you might make the whole situation stressful on your friend who’s having the party. This will make things tense between you and your friend.
For example, your enemy might say something like, “We used to have a lot of fun together. We should grab coffee sometime and catch up. ” You can politely respond with something like, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. We had a pretty rough falling out, and now we can be in the same room peacefully. I wouldn’t want to mess that up. ”
