Try to tolerate a know-it-alls behavior and avoid the impulsive fight-or-flight response by understanding that differences between people will always exist. The root to all understanding is respect. It is unreasonable to think that anybody would suddenly conform to your ideas, which took you a lifetime to develop no matter how strong your perspective. If you want a know-it-all to respect your opinions, you will have to respect theirs as well. Only when you can appreciate a know-it-all for who they are can you finally realize and understand where they are coming from.
By thinking first, you can formulate a better response. Most people think of responding while the person in conversation is still speaking and you do not listen to everything being said. When responding to a know-it-all, it is best to have a clear, thoughtful, and pertinent reply that is more likely to be accepted by them. Stopping to think prevents saying stupid things that destroy friendships, start fights, or create awkward situations. It also does nothing to solve your issues with the know-it-all. A thoughtful response also receives more respect. It is tough enough for a know-it-all to accept a response that is not their own, but a thoughtful and considerate response will more likely be accepted.
Saying “I don’t know,” can also build trust by demonstrating openness, vulnerability and honesty. Other ways to say “I don’t know”: “I don’t know the answer to that, but I’m anxious to find out”; “Let me tell you what I know, and what I’m still learning”; and “I can’t tell you that with certainty. I do have an informed opinion on it which is…”
Although know-it-alls often exude confidence, they are oftentimes suffering from insecurity. You will have to stroke their ego or compliment their range of knowledge before informing them of their negative impact. Soften the blow by telling them that it is important that everybody gets a chance to add their input because it provides a sense of community.
Consider the know-it-all’s perspective by not relating everything they do to evilness, stubbornness, or unkindness. Remember that you do not always have to accept their opinions, simply just acknowledge them. Keep an open mind and good attitude to help solve any issues. Be patient and listen to what is being communicated. If you are not sure, ask for clarity or explanation.
Ask something like, “I have a problem waking up in the morning, what do you think is the best way to get started in the morning?”
If you are giving a presentation, hand out an agenda ahead of the meeting with a time limit for each phase of the talk. Add statistics and cited facts that are indisputable. Preparation is always the key. The more prepared you are to defend your perspective the better off you will be in dealing with a know-it-all.
Before making a statement, say “If we are open to all possibilities, then we could look at it this way. ” These types of truisms throw off know-it-alls because it is directed towards them making them have to rethink what they were going to say. Or, after a know-it-all provides their response, say, “I am shocked to hear this because I thought your perspective would be different. ” This surprises them because you are questioning their response without being too confrontational.
You can also phrase your thoughts like a request. You could say “I value your opinion, and I’m open to hearing your thoughts at some other point. Right now, though, I’m only looking for support for this idea. Would you be open to telling me what parts of this you like?” or “Would you be open to telling me what you understood from this so I can hear how it sounds to someone else?”
For example: “I understand how important it is to you, but I don’t want to do it…seriously, I don’t want to do it…Yes, of course I am very clear how important it is, but I don’t want to do it. ” Or, “I think it is too expensive…Sure, it’s a good deal, but it’s too expensive…I understand there is financing available, but it’s too expensive. ”
Be respectful, but ask specific questions about their sources, facts, or experiences. Do not be afraid to confront a know-it-all about their expertise or authority.
In these circumstances, try not taking it personally by taking a few deep breaths or taking time to think about your response before blurting out some offensive statement that will only embarrass yourself. Remember, know-it-alls do not perceive most people as stupid or uneducated; rather, they have just not learned the difference between presenting a fact compared to an opinion. So, keep calm and collected and just let their replies roll of your back.
Try to keep moving forward by either ignoring them or simply say, “thanks for the suggestion,” instead of getting involved in a fruitless conversation that you did not care about to begin with. Ask yourself, “is the situation so distressing that it needs to be addressed?" This is an important question if you become emotional. By asking this question, you can bring yourself back to reality and decide whether a response is healthy or harmful.
If you feel yourself unable to smile or laugh it off, take a step back. By taking a moment to disengage, it will be easier to recognize how silly it was to get mad in the first place. Try to reframe the situation in a way that you are viewing your response as a spectator. In a frustrating situation, try to recognize the potential humor in just how ridiculously annoying it is. In this case, take the situation to an extreme that is impossibly ridiculous to the point that it makes you laugh. Even a fake smile helps release endorphins, making you feel better and happier. By placing yourself in a happier place makes it easier to keep your sense of humor in trying times.
If you work with a know-it-all it might be hard to avoid them. You might have to pretend not to hear them, smile politely and not respond to them, or leave the area when you know they are approaching. Change the topic of conversation to something they are not interested in or cut them short when they try to reply. This lets them know that you are not interested.
