For example, if you feel rushed in responding to the person, remember that you don’t have to answer right away. Take some moments to think it over so you don’t make a decision quickly, even if they want you to. You always have the option to step away from the situation and delay decisions. You can also try grounding techniques to help you stay rational while you’re feeling emotional. For example, choose a color and find it in the room, or concentrate on what you’re feeling in your body, such as tension in your leg muscles.
For example, say, “I’m not available to you tonight” or, “I’m not willing to respond to that. ” If they push you, say, “I’ve already told you my decision and I will not change it. Please stop asking. ”
For example, if they are trying to get you to agree with them, say, “I disagree” or “I’d like you to stop asking me now. ”
Talk to a friend about the situation. Even if there’s nothing they can do to help, it can still be beneficial to talk it over and vent a bit. Go for a walk in nature to clear your head.
Manipulators share a few common characteristics: They know how to detect your weaknesses. They use your weaknesses against you. They often convince you to give up something of yourself in order to serve their self-centered interests. Once a manipulator succeeds in taking advantage of you, they will likely repeat the violation until you put a stop to the exploitation. [7] X Research source For example, the person might say, “Well, if you had made dinner for me, I wouldn’t be in a bad mood!” The silent treatment is a common manipulative tactic for someone trying to get their way.
For example, if you’re on a project and the person is trying to manipulate you to do something their way, say, “I don’t like it when you talk to me that way. I’m capable of making a decision on my own. ” If the person is manipulating you to buy something for them, say, “It’s not acceptable to talk to me that way. You can make a request if you’d like, but guilting me into buying something won’t work. ”
For example, the person may say, “You’re never there for me when I need you. ” Simply say back, “That’s not true, and it makes me feel like you don’t appreciate me when I help you. ” Point out their manipulation by showing that their statements are false.
For example, say, “Does this seem reasonable to you?” or, “Are you asking me or telling me?”
You don’t have to provide an explanation or defense of your decision. There is no need to justify your wants. For example, say, “I’m willing to help you for one hour, but I can’t help you for more time than that. ”
If a manipulative person asks your opinion about something you’re not comfortable sharing, don’t answer. Say, “I don’t know” or, “I’ll think about that. ”
If you formally break up, send an email or tell them face-to-face that you no longer want them in your life. Say, “This isn’t good for me and I’d prefer it if we weren’t friends. ” It’s trickier if the person is a family member. You can choose to interact with them less and let them know you will practice firm boundaries. If you’ve never learned to set good boundaries, then doing so can take some practice. Value yourself and your needs, and keep working to form healthy boundaries for yourself.
