If you have trouble identifying exactly what your friend does that bothers you so much, you may want to discuss your friend with another friend or someone else that you trust. [4] X Research source
If your friend often cancels plans with you at the last minute, make backup plans to lessen the damage of her canceling on you. [10] X Research source If certain topics cause your friend to make rude or insulting comments, avoid discussing those topics with him or her. [11] X Research source
Remember to keep your complaint short and to the point. Do not include any unnecessary details in your complaint. Providing too many details will lessen the impact of your complaint and it may leave your friend confused about the exact purpose of your complaint. [13] X Research source If you feel especially nervous about confronting your friend, you may want to practice with another trusted friend to make yourself feel more confident.
Don’t lose control or retort with insults if your friend becomes irate. If things begin to fall apart, simply thank your friend for hearing your complaint and excuse yourself. In a worst case scenario, you can still control your own behavior and you will feel better knowing that you handled the situation in a mature, intelligent manner. [15] X Research source
Accept yourself for who you are. Take time each day to appreciate the person you are. Acknowledge your strengths and triumphs (even the small ones. ) Forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake, just forgive yourself and move on. Treat yourself well. Don’t do things that make you feel uncomfortable or allow others to pressure you into doing things that you don’t really want to do. Do things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Learn to say no. Don’t say yes every time someone asks for a favor or wants you to do something with them.
At first, respond with a casual comment to let your friend know that his or her comments are hurtful. Try saying something like, “Ouch! That was kind of mean. Could you not say things like that to me, please?” [18] X Research source If the meanness continues, let him or her know that you are serious by saying something like, “I’m not joking. You are being unnecessarily mean. Knock it off. ” [19] X Research source Practice delivering these requests until they sound natural. [20] X Research source Be firm when you speak and use direct eye contact so that the person sees that you are confident and serious. [21] X Research source Be persistent. Don’t stop defending yourself just because the behavior continues. The more you practice this type of self-defense, the more your friend will get the idea that their words are hurtful and that you will not tolerate them. [22] X Research source
For example, if your friend yells at you for a mistake you made, don’t yell back. Respond in a calm, kind voice. Say something like, “I am sorry that what I did upset you, but I don’t think it was such a big deal that we can’t discuss it reasonably. ”
For example, if your friend says something to insult you (or someone else), try responding with something like, “Come on Jimmy, making remarks like that is beneath you. Show everyone that you are better than that. ”
