For example, someone might try to lighten the mood in a long line by saying, “Oh, I’m so happy to be standing in this ridiculously long line right now. " There’s nothing aggressive about that statement; the person probably just wants to get a few chuckles. On the other hand, this statement could be perceived as rude and aggressive, depending on the tone with which it’s delivered, such as an insult: “Wow, I’m so lucky that you’re the person I’m standing next to in this ridiculously long line. "
You can also ignore the sarcastic remark completely, pretending not to hear it. If the speaker’s intention was to upset you, you won’t be rewarding him with your attention. The speaker is looking for a reaction, so don’t give any return (value) to the words. Turn to talk to another person altogether. This will send the message that you’re unwilling to engage in additional conversation with the sarcastic person. They might enjoy your company, but they show it differently than you do, or you are used to.
For example, if the person said, “What a surprise - you’re doing something nice!” you can respond by saying “My action wasn’t meant as niceness. John, I was simply helping out. " By responding with apparent sincerity, you’ll make the mean comment look especially inane/inapt.
Keep your comment simple and direct, without bringing up a list of remarks that might have hurt your feelings in the past. If he tries to explain it wasn’t a big deal, don’t respond. This reaction to the sarcastic comment wasn’t an invitation to debate your feelings. You can also find a time to talk to the sarcastic person when you’re both calm. Find a time and place where you do not have an audience, and you’re unlikely to be interrupted, then express your feelings. This may result in “arms length negotiation,” greater sincerity and understanding.
If this is a workplace situation, responding in anger, with abrasiveness to fellow workers could mean loss of your job or other negative consequences. Do whatever you can to prevent yourself from responding quickly. An option is to mentally count to 10 before responding. If you’re still upset after counting to 10, repeat the process.
Talking to a counselor or a friend about issues that routinely cause you to feel upset can be helpful in dealing with social teasing. As you build your confidence and appreciate yourself more, you may notice an increased resilience in social situations.
If the sarcasm comes from someone you have to work with or see on a regular basis, talking to them about the affect their sarcasm has on you is often a better option, Realize that the person may have their own reasons for wanting to see you react to his sarcasm.
Think about other things the person has said or done and how they made you feel. If the majority of actions were kind, it’s possible that the person just as a different sense of humor than you do. Their words may have come out different then they intended.
The impulse behind sarcasm is sometimes to help the person using it, feel better. Maybe they just like to make people laugh, or they could be trying to hurt someone so that they can have more power. It’s a dysfunctional communication that can injure others feelings, and does less to help the sarcastic person then what they want. It’s quite common.
If the person wants to try to learn better patterns of communication, talking to a counselor or therapist can be helpful. Even if it’s a habitual response, there is a time and a place for sarcastic behavior, but sometimes people who use sarcasm doesn’t know the right time.
The speaker’s voice will be pitched lower than usual for his typical speaking voice. The sarcastic words may be elongated, emphasized, or drawn out. For instance, “Yeah, it’s a GREAT day for a picnic. ” Sometimes people will mutter sarcastic comments slightly under their breath. And if they do, ignore it. If the person that is using sarcasm mutters something, it could mean they are aware that it might hurt someone’s feelings but it would bother them if they didn’t say it, so they simply mumbled it. Most of the time it isn’t something you should push further. You may notice a slight sigh following the sarcastic remark.
Other facial expressions that often accompany sarcasm include eye rolls, raised eyebrows, or shrugged shoulders. Sometimes people employing sarcasm have seemingly no facial expression at all; that is, they have a “flat” affect, and are speaking in a “deadpan” tone. People who use sarcasm often may not know how to respond to a situation, so they respond sarcastically.
For example, when someone says, “Great weather for a picnic,” on a day that’s clearly not ideal for a picnic, he/she’s being sarcastic. The remark isn’t intended to mean that it was, in fact, great weather for a picnic.
The use of hyperbolic sarcasm might be either to amuse, or cause aggression. In the example above, if the speaker assumes that he’s speaking to a friend who feels similarly disappointed in the over-payment for their tickets, the statement is sarcastic but not to wound. If the statement was made to the host of the evening’s entertainment, the use of the sarcasm may be intended to be hurtful. Sometimes hyperbole is used to express enthusiasm, not sarcasm. For example, someone might say, “That was the most delicious cupcake in the entire world. I could eat 10 dozen more!” If the person ate the whole cupcake, you can assume the statement wasn’t meant to be sarcastic.
When someone responds to a statement with the phrase, “Big deal,” the phrase is almost always meant sarcastically. (This only applies to the phrase when used as a single utterance, however; the words “big deal” are usually sincere when spoken within a sentence. ) The phrase “yeah, right,” is sarcastic nearly 25% of the time it’s used, according to one study.
Children as young as 4 years old can pick up sarcasm from their parents and/or caregivers, and also any other people who may be around the child (or children) often. That is how they can grow up using it. Sarcasm isn’t necessarily a horrible thing, but it can be a bad habit.
If you notice a diminished ability to recognize sarcasm in others, this may be a sign of dementia or other neurodegenerative disease. Sarcasm is the simplest form of a lie. If a person can’t reliably interpret sarcasm, he’ll likely be unable to discern a lie.
