If you’re having trouble realizing that you’re not to blame, talk to another adult about what you’re feeling. It may also help to remind yourself by reciting an affirmation like, “Dad is responsible for himself. I am not to blame for his behavior. ” Remember that your dad’s behavior does not have anything to do with you. His behavior may be the result of how he was raised, his own trauma, a mental illness, or other factors.

To minimize your chances of substance abuse, participate in extracurriculars at school. Involvement in such activities lowers your risk. [1] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Try to identify the unhealthy behaviors you don’t want to pick up from your father. Then, look for another role model who demonstrates the types of behaviors you do want. Similarly, if you are being neglected or abused, start working with a counselor to address these issues. Getting help can help you minimize your chances of demonstrating the same behavioral patterns with your own children. [2] X Research source

Participate in mentoring programs like Boys Club or Girls, Inc. You might also connect with positive role models by reaching out to teachers, coaches, community leaders, or spiritual advisors. You might reach out by saying something like, “Coach Greg, I really look up to you. My own dad is hardly ever around. Do you think you could mentor me?” Consider your friends’ dads as well. If you have a friend who has a good dad, then you might ask your friend if it would be okay if you tag along for some of their activities.

If you visit your father only occasionally, ask your second parent if you can stop the visits. If your father lives in the same household as you, limit the time you spend around him by excusing yourself to your room whenever possible.

For example, if your dad has told you repeatedly that you’re not smart, then you may have accepted this. This belief may have affected your grades. You can refute this belief by asking for additional help with subjects that have been challenging for you and by improving in these areas, you can show yourself that you are smart.

Write out everything that you have ever wanted to say to him in as much detail as possible. After you’ve finished writing, read the letter aloud to yourself as if you were sharing it with him. Then, destroy the letter by burning it or tearing it to shreds. This exercise is designed to help you heal, so delivering the letter is not required. However, if you’d like to send it, go for it.

Self-care can be anything that helps you feel nurtured. Try watching your favorite movies or TV shows, going for a quiet walk in nature, or massaging away the tension in your shoulders.

Sit down and make a list of all the things you’re good at. If you have trouble coming up with strengths, ask a close friend to help you. Post your list on your mirror so that it’s always visible. Add to it when you discover more strengths. Write down compliments you get from other people, such as teachers or other adults that you respect. Then, when you’re feeling low, look at the list of compliments to remind yourself of what other people really think of you.

You might reach out by saying, “My relationship with my dad is really troubling me. I could use someone to talk to. ”

You might say, “Things are really tough at home. Dad’s drinking is getting worse and I don’t know what to do. " Know that some people in authority might have to report your father’s behavior to the police or child protective services. If you do not want your father to get into trouble, you might avoid going into specifics with these individuals or talk to a peer’s parent or an adult relative instead. [10] X Trustworthy Source Child Welfare Information Gateway Online portal managed by the U. S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse prevention Go to source

A safe haven might be a friend’s or neighbor’s house or a park near your home.

Pull aside an adult you trust, such as a teacher, coach, or school counselor, and tell them what’s happening at home. Most people who work with kids in an official capacity are mandated reporters. This means that they have to call child protective services or the police if they suspect or hear about abuse, and if they don’t, they get in trouble. If you are in the US or Canada, you can also call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child for assistance 24 hours a day. [13] X Research source If you’re in the United Kingdom, call 0808 800 5000 to speak to someone anonymously.

If you are a minor, ask your second parent or another guardian if you can talk to a therapist. You can also ask your school counselor if there is someone who you can talk to while you’re at school. If you are an adult, ask your family doctor for a mental health referral.