Try to keep up healthy regular routines, such as eating well, exercising, and sleeping, even when you feel sad or disappointed.
Instead of ignoring negative thoughts, replace them with positive ones. If you have a thought like “It’s my fault my parent is acting this way,” acknowledge that emotion. Then, replace it with something positive, like, “I’m trying my best with a difficult relationship and I deserve credit. “[2] X Research source
Many people with emotionally distant parents feel they don’t deserve love. If you feel this way, remind yourself that you believe this due to your relationship with your parents. It’s not a reflection of reality. Imagine someone else is experiencing your feelings. If a loved one told you they didn’t deserve love, you would likely reassure them that is not true. Give yourself the same level of support.
Seek out new friendships by joining a club, getting involved in a charity, or finding other ways to branch out and meet people. Remember, there are many different types of relationships that can be fulfilling. While it can sting to have a strained relationship with your parents, you likely have many other people in your life who love and support you.
During rough patches with your parents, be extra aware of your daily schedule. Ask yourself whether you’re eating enough, sleeping enough, and giving yourself enough down time. If you find you’ve been neglecting self care, make a conscious effort to take better care of yourself. Remember, you deserve to be cared for, even if your relationship with your parents makes you feel otherwise.
Set boundaries in the moment when your parents do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. For example, if your parents invite you to a holiday event at the last minute, let them know you can’t make it and that late invitations don’t work for you. Say something like, “I appreciate you inviting me to Christmas, but I need you to send me these invitations sooner. I’m sorry, but I’ve already made other plans. "
Your parents may guilt you, make accusations, compare you to others, or engage in other behaviors to make you feel like their distance is your fault. Watch out for these kinds of behaviors. For example, say your parent suddenly starts calling you every day after ignoring you for months. When you’re unable to take all their calls, they accuse you of not valuing the relationship. Refuse to respond to these accusations as they’re a form of manipulation.
While acknowledging emotions is important, you do not have to linger on them. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling, but try to focus on other things after letting out your emotions.
Many people with emotionally distant parents shut down or ignore their own feelings. Think about whether you’re able to acknowledge and process your own feelings. You may have a sense of inadequacy or low self-esteem. If so, if this could be related to your relationship with your parents. You may feel empty and not sure why, or have a fear of rejection or being hurt.
For example, if you screw something up at work, stop if you start beating yourself up. Remind yourself you did your best and everyone makes mistakes. Do not be hard on yourself if it takes you awhile to care for yourself and trust others. The effects of an emotionally distant parent take a long time to undo. Small steps over time are key to healing.
For example, if you feel irritable after a long day, pause and acknowledge you need a break. It’s okay to lie down and unwind if that’s what you need.
You can find a therapist by getting recommendations with friends, talking to your general practitioner, or looking online for therapists in your area.
