3 Ways To Deal With An Evil Ex Boyfriend

Do you feel like you are in physical danger from him? Has he made non-physical threats, like harming your emotional or financial stability, alienating you from friends or family, or keeping you from dating other guys? If his behavior is merely annoying or mildly disturbing your social life, but you do not feel afraid of him, move on to the next section. If you are not sure if he is dangerous, ask someone you trust, preferably who has met him and seen some of the worrisome behaviors firsthand.

If he keeps calling or texting you, change your number and ask the phone company to keep your number unlisted and to block it from appearing on others’ caller ID. This is not foolproof, but in most instances can be done. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Cut him off from your social media as much as possible. Sometimes you can’t control this, especially when they are “friends of friends. ” If he is commenting on your mutual friends’ posts, ask them not to tag you and change your privacy setting to friends only. [6] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source

To report stalking or threats, you will need to show proof. Keep any voicemails, texts, or messages he sends you to give the judge. Download and print out text messages or take screen shots of them to print. Print emails or messages on social media. [8] X Trustworthy Source WomensLaw. org Site associated with the National Network to End Domestic Violence aimed at providing free legal resources and aid to survivors of domestic violence. Go to source Bring witnesses if possible. Witnesses should have actually seen the behavior or have direct knowledge of it from him.

Some states require a verbal threat of physical harm or verifiable intent to attack in order to get a protective or restraining order issued. However, your state may also have anti-stalking laws, so research those too. If you cannot meet the burden of proof for needing a protective order, but his actions result in a pending and related court case, a judge may be willing to issue a no-contact order if you explain why you feel you need one. “No-contact” means that he cannot try to reach you directly or indirectly. In essence, he can get into more trouble for any attempt to contact you, even through others, or showing up in places you frequent that he has no reason to visit. [10] X Research source

If you don’t have a cell phone, there are programs that may be able to provide you one for free. [11] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If you are not in immediate danger, but feel a threat is imminent and don’t know who to talk to, call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to get advice or a referral for legal assistance. [12] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source Trust your instincts. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Don’t worry about how he will react if you call the police or whether or not you are overreacting. Put your safety and mental health before any considerations of his feelings, and trust your gut feeling. [13] X Research source

Make sure your friends and co-workers know not to give your personal information to anyone without your express permission—no matter what story they may tell about why they need to get in touch with you right away. Ask your school’s office or human resources department at work to put a note in your file describing the problem so that any new staff are aware of what is going on. Don’t be embarrassed about it. It is never your fault that someone else will not leave you alone when told to. It’s better to admit to others what is going on than to let a lack of knowledge cause serious problems for you or them later. [16] X Trustworthy Source WomensLaw. org Site associated with the National Network to End Domestic Violence aimed at providing free legal resources and aid to survivors of domestic violence. Go to source

Always park you vehicle in a well-lit area and get someone to escort you if at all possible. [17] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If you absolutely cannot find someone to be with you, carry a defensive tool like pepper spray or a panic button with you when alone. Check your states laws on protective tools to make sure you are not violating any first.

Note nearby police stations to drive to if you think he is following you. Create a verbal or written code you can say or text your safety person if you are in trouble. Make sure they know that this phrase means to call the police immediately. [20] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source

If someone in your mutual circle is helping spread lies, confront them directly, but without emotion, and ask them to stop gossiping and spreading falsehoods.

In each instance, explore the consequences of every option and choose either the one that has the fewest negative ones or the most positive ones for you. [23] X Expert Source Julia Yacoob, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 July 2021. For example, if he is trashing you to mutual friends, think over your possible reactions and your friends might take them before blurting something out loud.

Stop trying to control things you cannot, and re-direct your energy towards regaining personal power.

Rather than focus on what he is doing to make you unhappy now, remember why you were with him in the first place. There was a reason you liked him initially and you probably had some really good times together. [25] X Research source When you feel angry or hurt by something he does, refocus your thoughts toward trying to understand why he acted that way. [26] X Expert Source Julia Yacoob, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 July 2021. Seeing his perspective might make his actions easier to accept and move past. [27] X Research source

People hurt others due to ignorance and self-concern. They justify their harmful behavior by thinking they are doing what they need to do given the circumstances in their lives. [29] X Research source Think about your motivations before you act on any impulses. Try to acknowledge that your motivations for reacting probably initially stem from these fears or negative thoughts. [30] X Research source

Remember that “evilness” is simply a judgment, and not really a useful one. Unless he is threatening you with physical violence or has committed a severe transgression against your general well-being, he is probably not inherently a bad person. [32] X Research source Labeling your ex as “evil” pits you and him on opposite sides of a struggle, making him seem more powerful than he really is. Realizing you are both fallible human beings takes away any advantages you may be giving him accidentally. If he has committed violence or voices an intention to do so, however, take this very seriously and get help from professionals—police, courts, counselors, etc.