For example, you might write about feeling sad, disappointed, angry, frightened, etc.
Grieving is often more effective when you voice your thoughts and feelings with someone who shares the loss. You might say to your husband, “I am heartbroken about the miscarriage. I was so excited about our first child. I know you must be hurting, too. . . " Recognizing that he suffered a loss, too, can open the door for honest conversation.
Think about other losses or setbacks your husband has experienced in your time together. How did he respond? Was it similar to how he is responding now? Ask your husband what he needs, and express your own needs, too. Say something to the effect of, “It helps me to mourn the loss if I talk about what happened. But, I understand that this type of grieving won’t work for everyone. What can I do to help support you as you grieve our baby?”
For instance, you might say to him, “Today has been a rough day for me. Can I talk to you about how I’m feeling?” Some people are more comfortable expressing their emotions non-verbally. Your husband might have a hard time talking about the miscarriage, but be eager to comfort you in other ways, such as holding you or taking care of things around the house. Look for ways in which he is trying to comfort you or make your life easier, and recognize him for those to strengthen your bond. For example, if you notice that your husband has been helping out more than usual with household chores, then this might
If your husband isn’t forthcoming about his feelings, make sure he knows you’ll be there for him in the future if he changes his mind. Say, “If you ever want to talk about this, just let me know. ” Affectionate touch like hugs and back rubs can be a good way to communicate your love and support to your husband. You might think about a few ways that you could support him and pass them along for him to think about, making it clear that you mean no pressure.
Be aware that your husband may recover faster than you, or vice versa. Don’t take it personally if he starts to feel better before you do – grieving is unique to each person. Also, keep in mind that sometimes grief is delayed. It might not set in until months after the miscarriage.
For example, you could watch a new series or read a new book together to give you something to preoccupy you, talk about, and connect over.
Have an examination to make sure sex is safe for you, and communicate with each other about your feelings and fears. Once you are both ready, sex can be a powerful way to bring you closer together. [6] X Research source In the meantime, you can trade massages, have a candlelight dinner, or cuddle on the sofa while watching Netflix to maintain intimacy and affection in your marriage. Physical affection is one of the most effective ways to feel better due to the release of Oxytocin in the brain. Exchange long hugs and make genuine eye contact with each other.
However, if your husband continues to push you away or even blame you for the loss, you should openly discuss it with him. Find a time when both of you are in pleasant moods, and maybe at a neutral location outside of the home to start this conversation so that it’s not threatening. You might say something like, “I feel like you have grown distant from me since we lost the baby. Can we please talk about that?” Miscarriage can have a negative impact on your marriage if both partners are not willing to share their feelings. [7] X Research source Consider marriage or grief counseling to discuss any unresolved guilt or blame in order to move forward.
Activities that promote mindfulness, like meditation and yoga, may help you feel better as well.
An estimated one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, so it’s likely that some of the women you know have been in your situation before.
Couples counseling is a good option if your husband is willing to accompany you. Couples counseling will teach you to manage your individual emotions and support each other better as you grieve.
