Be certain who you’re talking to won’t pass your concerns back to the frenemy.
“While I care about you, I don’t think that we’re great for each other. I think it would be healthy for us to go our separate ways. ” “I think it would be best for the both of us if we took a little time apart. ”
Become subtly less and less available until they aren’t a part of your life any more. Don’t always respond to their texts right away and busy your schedule so that you don’t have time to see them.
“I felt really put down when you suggested my costume was too tight for me in front of our dance class. Did you really mean to be so unkind?” “It really hurt me yesterday when you said I was too ditzy and easily distracted to be a good speechwriter. I know you think you said it in a joking and funny way but the joke was made at my expense. "
If they deny what you accuse them of or become angry and refuse to discuss it, they most likely will not stop their hurtful behavior. Remember that if they have an angry reaction, you’re no longer interested in a friendship with them anyway. At least the truth is out in the open and you can begin focusing on the more positive relationships in your life.
No one is perfect, so you may act like a frenemy from time to time too. Be honest with yourself and make necessary changes to ensure that your relationships are healthy and strong.
For example, if you are not willing to tolerate mean comments from this person, then say something like, “If you make negative comments about my appearance, then I am going to leave and we can’t continue our conversation. ” If the person violates the boundary, then make sure you follow through with your consequence. For example, if you have said you will leave if the person makes mean comments about your appearance, and they do so, then get up and leave! Make sure that the person knows that they have violated a boundary any time that they do so.
This will also keep your frenemy from getting between you and your true friends. By observing the frenemy’s trash talking as well as your lack of it, your true friends will see you more clearly as the trustworthy one.
If you know your frenemy always bails on the plans you make together, always have a back-up plan. If your frenemy has a passionate view of religion that you disagree with, consider steering clear of that subject while talking to them. [8] X Research source If your frenemy always has to be right, ask them a question about something they said that you disagree with instead of challenging them. [9] X Research source
Maybe your frenemy is having problems at home and doesn’t know how to handle their stress in a positive way. Your frenemy may act mean in an attempt to hide their own insecurities.
Frenemies often mask their destructive criticism with humor. A frenemy may even have something negative or critical to say about your accomplishments and good fortune, or they might blame you for their own failures or misfortunes.
For example, if you’ve been a vegetarian for years and the person invites you and others over for a meat-heavy dinner with no alternative options, then they’re likely being purposely inconsiderate.
Frenemies try to get too close to you too soon because they want you to feel tied to them. They’re probably giving you attention because they want it back for themselves.
For example, they may say something like: “I like it when you wash your hair; that’s when it looks pretty. " This is suggesting that you are ugly without your hair washed.
If you feel uplifted in their presence, then they most likely aren’t a frenemy. If they typically leave you feeling drained, defensive, and unsupported, they might be a frenemy.
